Restless + late night = unwanted thoughts...

I am afraid.
I am torn.
I am worried.
I am anxious.
I am alone.

I feel like I go through these phases of time where I am doing great and others when I am miserable. I feel like I am torn all the time between being happy, joyful and carefree or sad, scared and shut-off.  I feel like I am torn between wanting to stay at home in Iowa with everything that is familiar and move onto somewhere new and start a new adventure in life. I feel like I am torn between wanting to rewind time to high-school when things were simple and to want to keep racing towards what is ahead of me. I know a lot of this has to do with my shyness. A lot of it has to do with my hatred for change. But I also know that a lot of it is fear.

What am I afraid of you may ask? Well, a lot of things to be honest. But right now... at this moment... I am afraid of June 2nd. I am afraid of church interviews. I am afraid of moving. I am afraid of leaving and/or losing some of my dearest friends and family. I am afraid of not being a good wife and a good minister's wife at that. I am afraid of the unknown that lies just in front of me. I am simply afraid.