Thoughts, Day-dreams, Hopes --

The last few days, weeks and months my mind has been overrun by thoughts of what I want to do after I return home from Peru, what I want to with my life, where I want to go. Sometimes a lot of these thoughts are brought up when people ask me what's next for me after Peru or where I think God is leading me. I usually just laugh, roll my eyes or shrug my shoulders saying I have no idea for certain, that I just have dreams. I have so many dreams and so many things I want to do, so many places I want to go. It's hard to sort through it all. And it's overwhelming at times. I go through my days working on various tasks, loving and hugging on kids, writing updates and running errands. But my thoughts are always racing. Lately the thoughts that have been most prominent have been about visiting China and Maria's Big House of Hope (through Show Hope). About one day getting married to my best friend. About one day being a foster and adoptive mom. About one day settling into a house of my own. About one day bringing my kids and husband to visit Peru and meet the people who have become such a part of my life this summer. About one day driving my kids to spend a week with their grandparents each summer like I got to with mine.

As much as I dream, much as I make plans for myself, as much as think about what my future would look like if I had my way... I always come back to the fact that my life is not my own. My life is controlled by the CREATOR and AUTHOR OF LIFE. And because of that... I have to follow HIS leading, HIS plan. Yes, I have dreams. Yes, I have ideas for what I would love my life to look like. Yes, I have hopes. But in the end, it's not my will, my dreams, my hopes that matter. It's HIS. I am being reminded of this a lot lately as I read through Scripture and go to work each morning. In Scripture, I am seeing more and more through the Psalms how David and the other writers never asked to have to run from their enemies, they never dreamt of hiding in caves to save their lives, they never expected to become King of Israel, they never expected to have children die,.  But they didn't argue, give up or ignore all that happened because they followed GOD and they trusted that HE was the one in control of life. I am also seeing more and more in the book of Hebrews how Jesus Himself didn't take things into HIS own hands in order to save His life, but he committed Himself to the will and leading of HIS Father. He committed Himself to being the high priest, the ultimate sacrifice, that mankind needed in order to save us and give us a better life. He didn't take His own life, His own desires, His own dreams (I believe He had dreams because He was human and understood human life even while being GOD) into His own hands. He gave them up to the CREATOR and AUTHOR OF LIFE.

I don't know what GOD has in store for me. I don't know what my life will look like or how it will change upon my return from Peru. I don't know if my dreams will come true. I don't know what the CREATOR and AUTHOR OF MY LIFE has planned. But I do know that I have just have to continue to follow Him. Continue to learn HIS voice so as to better know HIM and HIS will. Continue to seek out where and how HE is working and in what ways I can join HIM in that work. But that doesn't mean I have to stop dreaming, just start paying more attention of where HE leads.