finding strength and clinging to it tightly...
As the title of this post says, I am trying to find strength. And I'm slowly beginning to find it and clinging to it tightly. The short-term team left 4 days ago and I am now on "my own." I know I am not alone or on my own because Mike, Dani and their girls are here. But in my mind, I am. They have been here for 6 years and they know the language, the people, the culture. I have been here for 3 weeks and I don't. That fact stares me in the face every minute of every day with every new person I meet, job I do, or place I go. It's very hard. And it's already beginning to take its toll on me.
We had staff meeting today at the office and I sat there almost oblivious to what was going on. I tried so hard to follow, but after awhile gave up because I was lost, confused and getting a headache from trying. Then I joined a smaller meeting with a group that works in a specific area just south and outside of Trujillo. I am going to be working with them specifically for the month of August. They seem to be a fun group. But they are all older than I am. And all Peruvian. I am intimidated by it. I am just a shy, quiet, white American girl. And terrified out of my mind right now. I am scared to try to talk in Spanish. I can listen and understand for the most part. But to respond and carry on a conversation is scary to me.
And my homesickness is back full force. The team left and as I walked back to the house I live in, I began to cry. Having the last physical connection to home leave and not having it return for 3 months is hard to face. Knowing that I am now here for 5 months on my own. No team of interns. No team of gringos. Just me. Normally I love being by myself. But this is not what I prefer. Not what I expected as I prepared for my time here.
But I am finding strength. It's a day to day search. It's a minute by minute prayer. But GOD is proving to be here with me. In the places where I feel most alone. In the times when I feel so far away from my home, my family, my friends, my life. The words of David are the words that I am finding a lot of comfort in. I am only at Psalm 19 (I read one a day), but already David's words, commitment, relationship with God are the things that I am clinging to. David was utterly alone as he hid from Saul, as he fled for his life, as he wondered if he was ever going to make it through. He still found a way, even in the most dreadful circumstances in his life, to remember that his source of strength was the Lord YAHWEH.
Now, I know that I am not running for my life. Surrounded by enemies. Hiding in mountains. Dying of some terrible disease. I am just away from home for 6 months this year. But the fact remains that I need strength. And like David, I am trying to remember to always turn to the Lord YAHWEH. It's not easy. I fail most days it seems. But I'm trying. And slowly, but surely, I'm finding Him and clinging to Him tightly as my strength to keep moving forward day after day.
We had staff meeting today at the office and I sat there almost oblivious to what was going on. I tried so hard to follow, but after awhile gave up because I was lost, confused and getting a headache from trying. Then I joined a smaller meeting with a group that works in a specific area just south and outside of Trujillo. I am going to be working with them specifically for the month of August. They seem to be a fun group. But they are all older than I am. And all Peruvian. I am intimidated by it. I am just a shy, quiet, white American girl. And terrified out of my mind right now. I am scared to try to talk in Spanish. I can listen and understand for the most part. But to respond and carry on a conversation is scary to me.
And my homesickness is back full force. The team left and as I walked back to the house I live in, I began to cry. Having the last physical connection to home leave and not having it return for 3 months is hard to face. Knowing that I am now here for 5 months on my own. No team of interns. No team of gringos. Just me. Normally I love being by myself. But this is not what I prefer. Not what I expected as I prepared for my time here.
But I am finding strength. It's a day to day search. It's a minute by minute prayer. But GOD is proving to be here with me. In the places where I feel most alone. In the times when I feel so far away from my home, my family, my friends, my life. The words of David are the words that I am finding a lot of comfort in. I am only at Psalm 19 (I read one a day), but already David's words, commitment, relationship with God are the things that I am clinging to. David was utterly alone as he hid from Saul, as he fled for his life, as he wondered if he was ever going to make it through. He still found a way, even in the most dreadful circumstances in his life, to remember that his source of strength was the Lord YAHWEH.
Now, I know that I am not running for my life. Surrounded by enemies. Hiding in mountains. Dying of some terrible disease. I am just away from home for 6 months this year. But the fact remains that I need strength. And like David, I am trying to remember to always turn to the Lord YAHWEH. It's not easy. I fail most days it seems. But I'm trying. And slowly, but surely, I'm finding Him and clinging to Him tightly as my strength to keep moving forward day after day.
So I am just not catching up on your blog....This post totally made me think of this song by Bebo Norman, here is a link .... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxYC69dfGPw
ReplyDeleteLove you friend! Miss you