None but Jesus -

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

This morning at Church was a teary one for me. Mostly because the song above was sung (in Spanish of course) and it makes me cry every time I hear it. I haven't completely figured out why. But I would cry even at school in Chapel services when we would sing it. Like I said I haven't figured out why exactly. As it was played today, the people around me singing in Spanish, I sat down in my chair and let my tears fall. I let my hair fall down in front of my face so that I couldn't be seen by those around me. My thoughts were racing at a million miles an hour (you all know this by now) and all I could do was pray, think and cry.

I thought about how hard of a time I have had the last few weeks. Of how scared I am to start being in the barrios every day with the team. Of how scared I am of what may come and happen in my life in the next 4.5 months that I am in Trujillo. I know that my fear is solely from the devil. Not from God. I know that. But it is really hard to live without that fear. I have prayed every day since arriving in Trujillo to have a different attitude about being here. To have faith and confidence in what I believe and have learned about God and missions. To want to be here. To live in the moment. To take advantage of everything I see, hear and experience. It isn't an easy prayer to pray. There are days I don't want to pray it. There are days when I feel like it's not worth it. There are days when I feel like I don't have the strength to anymore.

But then I think about the grace I have been given. The freedom I have been given. The new life I have been given. All by no one but Jesus who died on a tree for me. And what good is it for me to keep that to myself when there is a million people in the city I am currently in who have no idea who He is or how to follow Him? What good is it for me to be safe and content with the faith that I have when children and families are struggling every day to survive? Could I be anymore selfish? Could I be any less committed to the passion and calling God has placed in my heart because of fear?

I am tired of being afraid. I am tired of being frustrated with myself and the people around me. I am tired of being controlled by my fear of people, languages, ministry and life. I am tired of living with a lack of trust in what God can do.

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will