A long time and a dark night of the soul....
It has been a very long time since I wrote anything here. Partly because I haven't had much to say. And partly because I don't have the words or freedom to write what I truly want to say. So, I have just stayed away for awhile and lost myself in my books. But then you could ask, "why are you back now?" Well, because I want, or rather need, to write. I haven't allowed myself to just spill my guts or thoughts out through written word in a long time. And I am just about bursting. So, I figured I should probably write and at least get some things out, even if it's just a few words or paragraphs. At least then maybe it'll help settle my heart and my mind a bit so that I can focus again.
Things in my life aren't awful. Things aren't so bad that I am constantly freaking out or wishing that it was different or that I could just rewind time and go back to when I was like 4 years old. Life is just life. Full of it's ups and downs, joys and frustrations, laughs and tears, dreams and worries. That's just life. But I can't deny that life is getting to me. The downs, the frustrations, the tears and the worries. I feel like I'm taking a beating from those things. That I just can't get up on my feet long enough to really withstand the next blow or get enough strength to punch back. And again, it's not that my life is awful. It's just that right now is one of those times where it's especially trying and I just need to vent it all through my writing.
In the early to mid 16th century, St. John of the Cross (a Spaniard) talked of a dark night of the soul. He originally wrote about it in a poem describing the journey that a soul takes into unity with God. The darkness described the trials and heartaches of life that accompany the soul on that journey. It is a concept that many people have written about and discussed as they have sought to become closer to God and to mature in their faith. And it is something that doesn't just come once and then is over. It's something that can happen over and over and over. No matter how hard one tries to get away from it. Now the dark night of the soul is usually spoken of in a spiritual sense. But I think it can be spiritual, physical and emotional on various levels.
NOTE: Granted, I haven't spent a lot of time studying St. John of the Cross or the dark night of the soul, so these are just my thoughts as I work through what I do know, as well as what I am experiencing and feeling right now at this point in life.
Our entire being is wrapped up in the belief that we are created in God's image for the purpose of being in relationship with him. That covers the spiritual, physical and emotional right there. And it is all inter-connected. When things are going great in our faith and walk with God, then our emotions are in check and upbeat and we even feel physically good. Like we have nothing weighing us down or burdening us in some way. But the minute that we start to falter or to face temptation or to feel attacked by Satan, our emotions are on a roller-coaster and we physically begin to ache, grow tired or weak.
When the dark night of the soul hits, I literally/physically feel it. I have almost figured out the triggers to it. I have almost got it pinpointed to when and how it will hit (I have a professor from Lincoln who first introduced me to the idea of paying attention to triggers, but it's not easy). And when it hits, I will feel it in every way imaginable. My emotions will start to rage or shut-down. My body will grow tired or restless. My soul and my faith will begin to tremble and falter. I will feel physically, emotionally and spiritually distant from the God that I so dearly love and long to serve with my life. The dark night hits me and it hits me hard. Sometimes it hits harder than at other times.
And I don't think that dark night of the soul is a weakness. Or that it's evil in some way (although I think that if we aren't careful the Devil can use it for evil purposes and draw us away from God rather than moving us towards Him). I think it's a part of life and a part of the journey (as St. John of the Cross said) that takes us into the very presence of our God. I don't think that a person's faith is weaker than someone else's if they are facing or have faced a dark night of the soul. I don't think a person is less of a Christian if they face a dark night of the soul. I think that makes them even more human. Even more of a disciple. Even more a person with whom I want to walk beside as we both take one step after another towards a better, more intimate, more real relationship with God.
And I even think that maybe Paul wrote something that could be helpful in the dark night long before St. John of the Cross even thought of it. Something that can be taken for one who is facing the dark night alone or for those who have found others to walk through together. And for me to be writing about Paul and taking a hold of what he had to say is a big deal. Just ask my daddy! But anyway... in 2 Corinthians 1 he wrote,
Paul may not have known just how much the above words would mean to me or to other followers once the idea and understanding of the dark night of the soul was introduced. But I think it is pretty significant that he could write about the sufferings and comfort that he and others were experiencing in their time and culture, and yet it could speak volumes into our time and culture. It's pretty significant that somehow, someway, those words were treasured and written down for those who read them later, those who could still be touched and encouraged and lifted up.
The dark night of the soul is something that I don't fully understand or know a lot about. But it's something that I can see in my life and something that I can see in more than just a spiritual sense. It's something that I can feel both physically and emotionally. It's something that burdens and weighs me down. It's something that often-times makes me feel like life is beating me down so hard and fast that I can't get enough strength to get up and swing back. But it is also one of those things that makes me stronger and draws me closer to the God that I so dearly love. It is one of those things that helps me understand just how important it is to spend time in the Scriptures or in prayer or in journaling/writing and meditation (and not the Hindu/Buddhist kind). It's one of those things that once I come out of it and am able to look back, I will be able to see the value and the growth that it brought me. I will be able to see how my God never left and yet pulled me through it even when I may have wanted to give up or when I may have grown lazy in pushing through.
The dark night of the soul is not a weakness. It's a part of the journey. It's a part of my journey.
Things in my life aren't awful. Things aren't so bad that I am constantly freaking out or wishing that it was different or that I could just rewind time and go back to when I was like 4 years old. Life is just life. Full of it's ups and downs, joys and frustrations, laughs and tears, dreams and worries. That's just life. But I can't deny that life is getting to me. The downs, the frustrations, the tears and the worries. I feel like I'm taking a beating from those things. That I just can't get up on my feet long enough to really withstand the next blow or get enough strength to punch back. And again, it's not that my life is awful. It's just that right now is one of those times where it's especially trying and I just need to vent it all through my writing.
In the early to mid 16th century, St. John of the Cross (a Spaniard) talked of a dark night of the soul. He originally wrote about it in a poem describing the journey that a soul takes into unity with God. The darkness described the trials and heartaches of life that accompany the soul on that journey. It is a concept that many people have written about and discussed as they have sought to become closer to God and to mature in their faith. And it is something that doesn't just come once and then is over. It's something that can happen over and over and over. No matter how hard one tries to get away from it. Now the dark night of the soul is usually spoken of in a spiritual sense. But I think it can be spiritual, physical and emotional on various levels.
NOTE: Granted, I haven't spent a lot of time studying St. John of the Cross or the dark night of the soul, so these are just my thoughts as I work through what I do know, as well as what I am experiencing and feeling right now at this point in life.
Our entire being is wrapped up in the belief that we are created in God's image for the purpose of being in relationship with him. That covers the spiritual, physical and emotional right there. And it is all inter-connected. When things are going great in our faith and walk with God, then our emotions are in check and upbeat and we even feel physically good. Like we have nothing weighing us down or burdening us in some way. But the minute that we start to falter or to face temptation or to feel attacked by Satan, our emotions are on a roller-coaster and we physically begin to ache, grow tired or weak.
When the dark night of the soul hits, I literally/physically feel it. I have almost figured out the triggers to it. I have almost got it pinpointed to when and how it will hit (I have a professor from Lincoln who first introduced me to the idea of paying attention to triggers, but it's not easy). And when it hits, I will feel it in every way imaginable. My emotions will start to rage or shut-down. My body will grow tired or restless. My soul and my faith will begin to tremble and falter. I will feel physically, emotionally and spiritually distant from the God that I so dearly love and long to serve with my life. The dark night hits me and it hits me hard. Sometimes it hits harder than at other times.
And I don't think that dark night of the soul is a weakness. Or that it's evil in some way (although I think that if we aren't careful the Devil can use it for evil purposes and draw us away from God rather than moving us towards Him). I think it's a part of life and a part of the journey (as St. John of the Cross said) that takes us into the very presence of our God. I don't think that a person's faith is weaker than someone else's if they are facing or have faced a dark night of the soul. I don't think a person is less of a Christian if they face a dark night of the soul. I think that makes them even more human. Even more of a disciple. Even more a person with whom I want to walk beside as we both take one step after another towards a better, more intimate, more real relationship with God.
And I even think that maybe Paul wrote something that could be helpful in the dark night long before St. John of the Cross even thought of it. Something that can be taken for one who is facing the dark night alone or for those who have found others to walk through together. And for me to be writing about Paul and taking a hold of what he had to say is a big deal. Just ask my daddy! But anyway... in 2 Corinthians 1 he wrote,
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort (verses 3-7)."
Paul may not have known just how much the above words would mean to me or to other followers once the idea and understanding of the dark night of the soul was introduced. But I think it is pretty significant that he could write about the sufferings and comfort that he and others were experiencing in their time and culture, and yet it could speak volumes into our time and culture. It's pretty significant that somehow, someway, those words were treasured and written down for those who read them later, those who could still be touched and encouraged and lifted up.
The dark night of the soul is something that I don't fully understand or know a lot about. But it's something that I can see in my life and something that I can see in more than just a spiritual sense. It's something that I can feel both physically and emotionally. It's something that burdens and weighs me down. It's something that often-times makes me feel like life is beating me down so hard and fast that I can't get enough strength to get up and swing back. But it is also one of those things that makes me stronger and draws me closer to the God that I so dearly love. It is one of those things that helps me understand just how important it is to spend time in the Scriptures or in prayer or in journaling/writing and meditation (and not the Hindu/Buddhist kind). It's one of those things that once I come out of it and am able to look back, I will be able to see the value and the growth that it brought me. I will be able to see how my God never left and yet pulled me through it even when I may have wanted to give up or when I may have grown lazy in pushing through.
The dark night of the soul is not a weakness. It's a part of the journey. It's a part of my journey.
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