~ a Psalm and a Prayer ~

There is a young man and his new bride at Lincoln Christian University who have found themselves facing an incredible amount of hardship and heartache. Sam and Savannah got married in November and are facing a terrible cancer that is spreading rapidly through Sam's body. He has been fighting this cancer for 3 years, has been denied treatments, endured clinical trials with no results and was just given an ever shorter amount of time that he has left to live with his beautiful wife and family. 

I do not personally know Sam and Savannah. They are fellow students at LCU where I lived and studied for 4 years. I have a lot of friends (including my sister and sister-in-law) who know him. And the entire campus family has come around this beautiful couple over the last couple of weeks. So much so that almost every LCU student's Facebook status is lifting them up in prayer. The school and one of the churches in town have organized prayer meetings including a 24/7 prayer vigil. A group of students (including my husband) have spent the last 24 hours fasting along with praying. Emails and phone calls and text messages have been sent on their behalf to the families and home churches of LCU students. Families and churches who don't know Sam and Savannah, but recognize that we are all a part of one global family with Christ at the center. 

I have had them on my mind all day as I have prayed alongside my husband, friends, campus family. I have thought about them as I spent time reading Scripture and journaling. I have thought about them as I have spent time catching up on the world's happenings via Facebook. I have cried for them and ached for them today. I cannot imagine how they are feeling or what they are thinking. I cannot imagine the heartache they are experiencing and the fear they are facing. I cannot imagine being a newlywed and hearing the doctor say that my husband has very little time left. I simply cannot imagine. 

Tonight, in my reading of Scripture, I read Psalm 27. It's the Psalm where David talks about how the LORD is his light, salvation and stronghold. And therefore, he didn't have any reason to fear anyone. As I read it... all I could think of was Sam and his battle. I thought about how I would put that Psalm into my own words for Sam and Savannah...

GOD is my light and my salvation; what should I be afraid of? He is the stronghold of my life, of my marriage; of what should I fear? 

When cancer attacks me and breaks down my body, it is cancer that will be defeated. When doctors say I only have a little while left to live, I won't let my heart be afraid; though I am sick and weak, I will be strong, courageous and confident. 

One thing that I pray to my GOD for, one thing I long for.... to live in His house with Him forever, to see His glory and beauty, to worship at His throne. 

He will hold me in His arms when I grow weak; He will hide me in His presence; He will hold me to. 

He hears me when I cry out to Him. He tells me to search for Him. My heart does just that. 

He won't hide from me. He won't abandon me. He won't ignore me. He will hold me. 

Teach me to follow you, my God. Lead me through this. Lift me above this cancer. Don't give me up to this disease. It has risen against me and the doctors have given up on me. But I know that you haven't. 

I know that I will see you and your goodness. I will wait my God. I will be strong, courageous and confident. I will wait for my God. 

Granted, that's a very rough re-write, but it doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to get the point across. That became my prayer for Sam and Savannah as I sat and read Psalm 27 over and over. I don't want to be morbid or discouraged or hopeless or give up. I want to pray that they will be strong. That they will remain faithful. That God will be glorified and that His will be done. I don't want people to think that I don't believe God can heal Sam. I do believe God can heal him. I want God to heal him. But whether that healing comes in the cancer being defeated and him living a long life here on earth with his bride or the cancer being defeated and him joining the great cloud of witnesses before the throne... that's up to God. No one else. It won't be my will or the campus family's will or even Sam and Savannah's will. It will be His. 

This is one of those life heartaches that no one should have to face. It's one of the life heartaches that I think about and really get angry at Adam and Ever for. It makes me question their choice in the garden. If it wasn't for the sin of mankind, would cancer exist? If it hadn't been for a stupid split-second decision to disobey God, would a beautiful young woman be facing the possibility that her husband won't be here to celebrate Christmas or graduation or any of the little day-to-day joys of life? If it hadn't been for a Deceiver whispering in the ears of Adam and Eve, would the doctors be telling a young man that he has only weeks to live? I don't have the answers to these questions. I probably never will. But I (along with Sam and Savannah, their families, the LCU family, etc.) have to hold to the fact that GOD IS STILL GOD. And if He truly is our stronghold, our refuge, our defender, our salvation... then we can rest in His arms and know that one day there will be no more cancer, death, tears and heartache. 

My heart aches for Sam and Savannah tonight. My heart aches for their families. My heart aches for the LCU campus family. I am praying with so many others that God's will be done in their lives. I am praying with so many others that Sam will find healing and that his pain will cease. I am praying with so many others that he and Savannah will hold onto their faith and find refuge in their God. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? 

When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. 

One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in His temple. 

For He will hide me in His shelter in the day of trouble; He will conceal me under the cover of His tent; He will lift me high upon a rock. 

And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me; and I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the LORD. 

Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have said, "Seek my face." My heart says to you, "Your face, LORD, do I seek." Hide not your face from me. Turn not your servant away in anger, O you who have been my help. Cast me not off; forsake me not, O GOD of my salvation! For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me in. 

Teach me your way, O LORD, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies. Give me not up to the will of my adversaries; for false witnesses have risen against me, and they breathe out violence. 

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage, wait for the LORD!

~ Psalm 27 (ESV) ~