Patiently waiting in a world of uncertainty...
My husband and I are both back home and completely exhausted from the last week. Between camp, missions meetings, family wedding and a lot of driving we ended up napping yesterday for almost 4 hours. It was so nice to have a lazy day and to not worry about anything except for resting. But now, we are back to normal life today. Laundry, office hours, dishes, lunch meetings, job sites and more laundry makes up our day. It's life.
Now that we are back to our usual routine, I am now back to trying to patiently wait for a job. I have scoured the classifieds, various online job sites, etc. But still no luck. And I am still extremely frustrated because of it. In Sunday School yesterday we talked about the faith of the centurion. One of the questions we asked the students was what would be one thing that I would ask from Jesus if they were the centurion and how would life be different if their faith was the same as the centurion's. I shared with them how if I could ask for one thing right now it would be a job. And it is what I have been asking for. For quite some time now. It's just hard to wait for it. It's hard to lose track of how many applications and resumes I've submitted and not hear anything back. It's hard to make the follow up calls and be told the position is already filled. It's hard to watch each month bring its reminders of loans to be paid on and no job with which to help pay those. It's hard to know and watch how much my husband is working and feel as though I am not doing my part.
Now, I know that there are hundreds of people across our city and thousands across our country who don't have jobs either. I know that unemployment rates are through the roof. I know that people who want jobs can't find them no matter how hard they look. I know that I am not the only one in this position right now. I also know that I am in no way more titled to a job than others are. I know that I am in now way more worthy or deserving of a job than others. And I am not saying that I should be. I am just saying that it's incredibly hard for me right now.
I am a 23 year old, newlywed, minister's wife who has been working, traveling, studying and serving since I was 12. I started babysitting, then working for the Vee, then traveling on missions, then devoting my life to studies in college. So for me to just sit for hours in my house by myself while my husband is at work with no job of my own is hard. It's hard to have more than 10 years of job history/experience and to feel like I'm going crazy just spending my time watching Netflix, reading til my heart's content, scrapbooking online, etc. It's hard.
I know that I can find new ways to serve and volunteer. But part of me is scared of that. Especially since I do have loans to pay on, but also because I still don't feel entirely comfortable or at home here. I am scared because it would be a huge chance that I would be taking and I am still so uncertain of what my role is in the KINGDOM. I just don't know.
I am praying for faith like the centurion's so that I can go before GOD with confidence and ask for a job. I am praying for faith like the centurion's so that I can believe that something will come along for me to do either on a volunteer basis or for a paid job that will help pay for loans. I am praying for faith like the centurion's so that I can see results. I am praying for faith like the centurion's and trying to patiently wait in a world of uncertainty.
Now that we are back to our usual routine, I am now back to trying to patiently wait for a job. I have scoured the classifieds, various online job sites, etc. But still no luck. And I am still extremely frustrated because of it. In Sunday School yesterday we talked about the faith of the centurion. One of the questions we asked the students was what would be one thing that I would ask from Jesus if they were the centurion and how would life be different if their faith was the same as the centurion's. I shared with them how if I could ask for one thing right now it would be a job. And it is what I have been asking for. For quite some time now. It's just hard to wait for it. It's hard to lose track of how many applications and resumes I've submitted and not hear anything back. It's hard to make the follow up calls and be told the position is already filled. It's hard to watch each month bring its reminders of loans to be paid on and no job with which to help pay those. It's hard to know and watch how much my husband is working and feel as though I am not doing my part.
Now, I know that there are hundreds of people across our city and thousands across our country who don't have jobs either. I know that unemployment rates are through the roof. I know that people who want jobs can't find them no matter how hard they look. I know that I am not the only one in this position right now. I also know that I am in no way more titled to a job than others are. I know that I am in now way more worthy or deserving of a job than others. And I am not saying that I should be. I am just saying that it's incredibly hard for me right now.
I am a 23 year old, newlywed, minister's wife who has been working, traveling, studying and serving since I was 12. I started babysitting, then working for the Vee, then traveling on missions, then devoting my life to studies in college. So for me to just sit for hours in my house by myself while my husband is at work with no job of my own is hard. It's hard to have more than 10 years of job history/experience and to feel like I'm going crazy just spending my time watching Netflix, reading til my heart's content, scrapbooking online, etc. It's hard.
I know that I can find new ways to serve and volunteer. But part of me is scared of that. Especially since I do have loans to pay on, but also because I still don't feel entirely comfortable or at home here. I am scared because it would be a huge chance that I would be taking and I am still so uncertain of what my role is in the KINGDOM. I just don't know.
I am praying for faith like the centurion's so that I can go before GOD with confidence and ask for a job. I am praying for faith like the centurion's so that I can believe that something will come along for me to do either on a volunteer basis or for a paid job that will help pay for loans. I am praying for faith like the centurion's so that I can see results. I am praying for faith like the centurion's and trying to patiently wait in a world of uncertainty.
Comments
Post a Comment