dragging my feet...
I am just two days away from leaving my home for 6 months. Two days away from going to a country, a city, I have never been to before. Two days away from saying goodbye to life as I know it. Two days away from being challenged, changed and broken. I am terrified. I am dragging my feet and not wanting to go. I am saying "no" in my heart and "yes" with my mouth. I am torn between the comfort and love of my home and family and the passion and love for the world and missions. It's hard. And it's not enjoyable.
I had my first break down about all of this last night. It was late and I had gone to bed after spending hours cuddled with my mom watching a show on Netflix. Then as I laid in bed it just overwhelmed. And I walked out to the couch and crawled into my mom's lap. It was 1am and I bawled for an hour. My mom and I talked (well, she talked while I sobbed and mumbled). It was something I needed but didn't want. Something I dreaded, but knew was coming. I hated it because then I made my mom cry and I hate doing that. I hated it because it was a point where I was most vulnerable and absolutely ready to cancel everything. I am still out of today because of the crying. I am still wanting to cancel it all and not go. But I know that I can't. I know that in two days I have to go, whether I want to or not. Whether I am ready or not. Whether I am excited or not.
Two days... I'm dragging my feet.
I had my first break down about all of this last night. It was late and I had gone to bed after spending hours cuddled with my mom watching a show on Netflix. Then as I laid in bed it just overwhelmed. And I walked out to the couch and crawled into my mom's lap. It was 1am and I bawled for an hour. My mom and I talked (well, she talked while I sobbed and mumbled). It was something I needed but didn't want. Something I dreaded, but knew was coming. I hated it because then I made my mom cry and I hate doing that. I hated it because it was a point where I was most vulnerable and absolutely ready to cancel everything. I am still out of today because of the crying. I am still wanting to cancel it all and not go. But I know that I can't. I know that in two days I have to go, whether I want to or not. Whether I am ready or not. Whether I am excited or not.
Two days... I'm dragging my feet.
i was the same way. i know that i am only gone for 2 months not 6, but it will be the best 6 months of your life. you are amazing Kiersten Holley and you have an amazing heart. i am so proud of you and so proud that i call you a friend, a sister, and an encourager. i will not lie the flight will be tough but once you get there things will shape up. you will dive into this ministry and though there will be moments where you miss home, you will know you are in the right place. i love you so much the girls and I will be praying hopefully we can get a skype date set up once you get settled. i love and remember to just follow God he will never lead you or your heart astray.
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