Chicken cheese dip and Disney movies...
So the title of this post has nothing to do with what I'm wanting to write about. It simply is what I'm eating and watching right now as I gather my thoughts enough to write.
The last two days all I have done is try to sift through all the information for my internship, finalize my budget, draft my support letter. It's a lot of work and work that I am excited to be doing finally. But it is very overwhelming and a bit frustrating. I feel like I don't know how to make my words flow in a way that says I need support while not sounding like I'm begging or how to share my heart about this internship without over-doing it. My thoughts keep going to what I learned this past semester with Maupin in Prep for Cross-Cultural Ministry. But my brain is still having a hard time processing it and transferring it from just information to something tangible and practical. It's tough, but I'm trying.
As I try to write my support letter I have begun to wrestle with the faith side of it. My top priority is to raise up partners and a prayer community. Then I can think about raising funds. But I am wrestling with whether my faith is strong enough right now to believe that the large amount of funds I need for my six months in Peru can be found and raised in time. As well as whether or not I fully trust that God will provide. Who am I to ask people and churches to spend more money on a silly college-aged girl for six months in Peru when many churches seem to be having a hard time simply paying their monthly bills and their staff? Who am I to expect that my trip and the ministry there is one that is worthy of financial support when I can list half a dozen other ministries that I think are just as, if not even more, in need? I have friends who have just recently or are soon leaving for their internships and who am I to ask when they deserve it just as much, if not more. I know these may be really silly questions or thoughts. But they are ones that have been weighing heavy on my heart the last two days.
I am so ready to go. I can't wait to go. I have just about five and a half months before I head to Louisville for training. I am counting down the months and days until I get to go on this new adventure. But I am so very unsure about this whole asking for people to support me to go. Maybe one day this won't be such a hard thing to do and maybe one day I won't be so overwhelmed by asking God's people to help me serve His kingdom. Maybe.
The last two days all I have done is try to sift through all the information for my internship, finalize my budget, draft my support letter. It's a lot of work and work that I am excited to be doing finally. But it is very overwhelming and a bit frustrating. I feel like I don't know how to make my words flow in a way that says I need support while not sounding like I'm begging or how to share my heart about this internship without over-doing it. My thoughts keep going to what I learned this past semester with Maupin in Prep for Cross-Cultural Ministry. But my brain is still having a hard time processing it and transferring it from just information to something tangible and practical. It's tough, but I'm trying.
As I try to write my support letter I have begun to wrestle with the faith side of it. My top priority is to raise up partners and a prayer community. Then I can think about raising funds. But I am wrestling with whether my faith is strong enough right now to believe that the large amount of funds I need for my six months in Peru can be found and raised in time. As well as whether or not I fully trust that God will provide. Who am I to ask people and churches to spend more money on a silly college-aged girl for six months in Peru when many churches seem to be having a hard time simply paying their monthly bills and their staff? Who am I to expect that my trip and the ministry there is one that is worthy of financial support when I can list half a dozen other ministries that I think are just as, if not even more, in need? I have friends who have just recently or are soon leaving for their internships and who am I to ask when they deserve it just as much, if not more. I know these may be really silly questions or thoughts. But they are ones that have been weighing heavy on my heart the last two days.
I am so ready to go. I can't wait to go. I have just about five and a half months before I head to Louisville for training. I am counting down the months and days until I get to go on this new adventure. But I am so very unsure about this whole asking for people to support me to go. Maybe one day this won't be such a hard thing to do and maybe one day I won't be so overwhelmed by asking God's people to help me serve His kingdom. Maybe.
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