Too cold to go to the soccer field...
So up until last year whenever I thought my head was going to explode due to the millions of thoughts, emotions and frustrations, I would head out to the soccer field here on campus. Well, I stopped doing that last year for some different reasons... but mostly because it just held too many not so fun memories for me. And tonight, I am once again feeling like I need to head out there but am dragging my feet about it. So I am just going to write. I have a few different things I want to write about and I am sorry if none of it makes sense... It doesn't really make sense to me sometimes.
First off, I am so frustrated with people. I am frustrated with how they can claim to be Godly men and women and have a desire to grow more Godly but yet their behavior is anything but Godly. I know that no one is perfect. But honestly... I am tired of the hypocrisy and the talk about it, but not seeing anything behind it. And I know that I can be included in that sometimes. And I hate that with everything in me. But it is just so frustrating to me to see that on my campus and in people that I respect (or at least have respected before).
Second, I am so super homesick. It's not even funny. I skyped with my older sister and her husband for more than an hour tonight and I talked to both my parents on the phone yesterday. I just miss having my family with me all the time. I miss all of the laughter that fills our house when we are all together. And I miss having my sisters around all the time for me to go to when I need to talk or my parents when I need to cry. I just miss the days of being together.
Third, I am so tired of being single. It's aggravating to me. Especially being on a Bible college campus where the jokes is "ring by spring or your money back." But I have decided something and made a commitment to something this weekend. I have decided to not date until I return from my internship in Peru. That is a little more than a year, not quite a year and a half away. And for me... that is a looong time and super scary because I really do hate being single sometimes. But I've decided that I need to learn to be truly content in my singleness and let my love for Jesus be what sustains me in life. I know that there are days when I am going to truly regret my decision. But until I can be happy loving Jesus as a young single lady... I cannot think about loving a man and being in a relationship. I know that God is still preparing my heart and my future husband's heart for the day when He brings us together. And if and when that day comes... it will be a sweet day. A day long awaited.
Finally, the journal I am currently writing in is almost full. And I want to put some things on here for me to remember once I have put away that journal in my box in the garage at home. So here are two lists that I wrote this summer during my time as a camp counselor.
MY WISH LIST FOR LIFE:
1. to be a wife
2. to be a mom
3. to go skydiving
4. to go snorkeling
5. to swim with dolphins
6. to ride an elephant in Thailand
7. to see the Taj Mahal
8. to visit Jerusalem and walk where Jesus walked
9. to go to a FIFA World Cup final
10. to see a bullfight in Madrid
11. to go on a cruise
12. to get a tattoo
13. to adopt
14. to love unconditionally
15. to be a good and faithful servant
16. to live passionately
17. to drive a Lamborghini
18. to see Victoria Falls
19. to see a sunset in Peru (this will happen next year. I promise!)
20. to fly a plane myself
21. to lead a CIY team to Ecuador
22. to see Babahoyo again
23. to see Steven Curtis Chapman in concert
24. to climb the pyramids in Mexico
25. to see Pompeii
26. to read my Bible twice a year
27. to visit the Waodani
MY WISH LIST IN A HUSBAND:
1. a man in love with Jesus more than me
2. a man passionate for ministry and life
3. a man who is honest
4. a man who is trustworthy
5. a man who is willing to lead
6. a man who has a desire to have a family
7. a man who is funny and loves to laugh as much as I do
8. a man who can have a conversation with me
9. a man who is active (i.e. runner, sports, etc.)
10. a man who is sweet and understanding
11. a man who is loving
12. a man who is comforting (and willing to let me cry)
13. a man who is willing to be my partner
14. a man who is faithful (not just to me and our family... but to God and others)
15. a man who is above reproach
16. a man who is forgiving
This is a working list and there may be more as I spend this year focusing on my love for Jesus and what I want/need from a man one day. But this is what I have so far. And I think it's a pretty good place to start.
So there you go... there is just a taste of what has been running through my head this evening. It's a lot for one little girl's head to hold. But oh well. Now, it's time for homework and bed. Goodnight all.
First off, I am so frustrated with people. I am frustrated with how they can claim to be Godly men and women and have a desire to grow more Godly but yet their behavior is anything but Godly. I know that no one is perfect. But honestly... I am tired of the hypocrisy and the talk about it, but not seeing anything behind it. And I know that I can be included in that sometimes. And I hate that with everything in me. But it is just so frustrating to me to see that on my campus and in people that I respect (or at least have respected before).
Second, I am so super homesick. It's not even funny. I skyped with my older sister and her husband for more than an hour tonight and I talked to both my parents on the phone yesterday. I just miss having my family with me all the time. I miss all of the laughter that fills our house when we are all together. And I miss having my sisters around all the time for me to go to when I need to talk or my parents when I need to cry. I just miss the days of being together.
Third, I am so tired of being single. It's aggravating to me. Especially being on a Bible college campus where the jokes is "ring by spring or your money back." But I have decided something and made a commitment to something this weekend. I have decided to not date until I return from my internship in Peru. That is a little more than a year, not quite a year and a half away. And for me... that is a looong time and super scary because I really do hate being single sometimes. But I've decided that I need to learn to be truly content in my singleness and let my love for Jesus be what sustains me in life. I know that there are days when I am going to truly regret my decision. But until I can be happy loving Jesus as a young single lady... I cannot think about loving a man and being in a relationship. I know that God is still preparing my heart and my future husband's heart for the day when He brings us together. And if and when that day comes... it will be a sweet day. A day long awaited.
Finally, the journal I am currently writing in is almost full. And I want to put some things on here for me to remember once I have put away that journal in my box in the garage at home. So here are two lists that I wrote this summer during my time as a camp counselor.
MY WISH LIST FOR LIFE:
1. to be a wife
2. to be a mom
3. to go skydiving
4. to go snorkeling
5. to swim with dolphins
6. to ride an elephant in Thailand
7. to see the Taj Mahal
8. to visit Jerusalem and walk where Jesus walked
9. to go to a FIFA World Cup final
10. to see a bullfight in Madrid
11. to go on a cruise
12. to get a tattoo
13. to adopt
14. to love unconditionally
15. to be a good and faithful servant
16. to live passionately
17. to drive a Lamborghini
18. to see Victoria Falls
19. to see a sunset in Peru (this will happen next year. I promise!)
20. to fly a plane myself
21. to lead a CIY team to Ecuador
22. to see Babahoyo again
23. to see Steven Curtis Chapman in concert
24. to climb the pyramids in Mexico
25. to see Pompeii
26. to read my Bible twice a year
27. to visit the Waodani
MY WISH LIST IN A HUSBAND:
1. a man in love with Jesus more than me
2. a man passionate for ministry and life
3. a man who is honest
4. a man who is trustworthy
5. a man who is willing to lead
6. a man who has a desire to have a family
7. a man who is funny and loves to laugh as much as I do
8. a man who can have a conversation with me
9. a man who is active (i.e. runner, sports, etc.)
10. a man who is sweet and understanding
11. a man who is loving
12. a man who is comforting (and willing to let me cry)
13. a man who is willing to be my partner
14. a man who is faithful (not just to me and our family... but to God and others)
15. a man who is above reproach
16. a man who is forgiving
This is a working list and there may be more as I spend this year focusing on my love for Jesus and what I want/need from a man one day. But this is what I have so far. And I think it's a pretty good place to start.
So there you go... there is just a taste of what has been running through my head this evening. It's a lot for one little girl's head to hold. But oh well. Now, it's time for homework and bed. Goodnight all.
so... you can scratch number 12 from the first list :), but I can live with all the rest.
ReplyDeleteYeah, what your mom said. Forget the tattoo and go for all the rest.
ReplyDeleteBut mom, dad!! Seriously. They wouldnt be ugly tattoos.
ReplyDelete