a battle with self-doubt
I know I am not the first, nor will I be the last, woman who struggles with doubting herself. I know the oft-quoted phrase "you are your own worst enemy." And I know that worrying and doubting is a way for the Devil to get me to waver in my faith and confidence in my Creator.
But oh some days, the self-doubt and fear and worry is so strong.
Today for instance. Today is a day where my heart, mind and soul are all at war with each other. One trying to convince me that I am okay (or at least, will be okay). Another trying to convince me that I am a complete failure. And one trying to convince me that GOD is still GOD and GOD is still good.
And in the midst of all of that warring with myself, I just want to curl up in a ball and rock myself to sleep, to escape.
This is coming out of a very busy three months. And most recently today. A day spent staring at my computer screen writing, re-writing and re-writing yet again a letter, a survey and an intentional prayer calendar for my job. A job that is putting my 4 year, Bachelor of Arts degree in Intercultural Studies (missions) to good use. A job I know I can do. But a job I don't believe I can do. A job I know GOD put me in. But a job I don't believe I should be in.
It's this constant pull between knowing and believing. Trusting and doubting. And today it has worn me down. It may have even defeated me for this round.
Self-doubt - 1
Kiersten - 0
But oh some days, the self-doubt and fear and worry is so strong.
Today for instance. Today is a day where my heart, mind and soul are all at war with each other. One trying to convince me that I am okay (or at least, will be okay). Another trying to convince me that I am a complete failure. And one trying to convince me that GOD is still GOD and GOD is still good.
And in the midst of all of that warring with myself, I just want to curl up in a ball and rock myself to sleep, to escape.
This is coming out of a very busy three months. And most recently today. A day spent staring at my computer screen writing, re-writing and re-writing yet again a letter, a survey and an intentional prayer calendar for my job. A job that is putting my 4 year, Bachelor of Arts degree in Intercultural Studies (missions) to good use. A job I know I can do. But a job I don't believe I can do. A job I know GOD put me in. But a job I don't believe I should be in.
It's this constant pull between knowing and believing. Trusting and doubting. And today it has worn me down. It may have even defeated me for this round.
Self-doubt - 1
Kiersten - 0
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