Culture Shock
This is going to be a pretty honest and hard post for me to write. So please bear with me.
I studied missions in college. I have a bachelors degree in intercultural studies. I know the definitions and signs of culture shock, language barrier, emotional and spiritual exhaustion, spiritual warfare, etc. But for some reason, it is all failing me this week. This trip.
My Love has cruised through these first few days with no issue (at least nothing that I can visibly see). But me, I have collapsed into a heap of tears and frustration and sickness.
My stomach is unsettled. I haven't had a good night's sleep. I feel completely out of place. I can't communicate... I can't even seem to manage to learn basic words or phrases like "thank you" and "good morning." The sounds just won't stick in my brain. Maybe because it's too different from Spanish and therefore just doesn't make sense. Maybe there is some other barrier in my mind that I haven't figured out yet. And I am so completely drained emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Culture shock is not a clean cut thing for anyone. And normally I don't hit it this hard, at least not on a short-term trip.
When I was in Peru, I had many days throughout my 6 months where I was homesick, worn down and just ready to give up trying to learn Spanish or give up trying to make sense of the life I was living there. But at the same time, I had many good days in those 6 months. I learned a lot of lessons about missions, faith, family, and staying in the middle of GOD's will. Not to mention, I formed some amazing friendships.
But for whatever reason, this trip is different. For whatever reason, I am really struggling. I fell to pieces when I started feeling sick and couldn't take a shower because the water was scalding hot (imagine that! I actually would just love to have a cold shower!). I fell to pieces when I realized I just don't have the energy to be around people, especially people I can't communicate with (this is one of the most draining aspects of culture shock for me... the language barrier).
But even despite falling to pieces, I know that My Love and I are here for some reason. What that reason is... I have no idea. My Love and I know that GOD is going to use this week to teach me something. What that lesson is... I have no idea. My Love and I know that GOD is going to use this week to impact not just us, but more importantly, He will use this week to impact the church leaders. What that impact will be... I have no idea.
Now I know this week is not about us muzungus (white people) and our comfort or even our desires. I know that this week is not a vacation.
This week is about GOD and how He is showing up here in the Rwandan churches. This week is about the pastors being led deeper into the Scriptures. This week is about hearing the Word of GOD spoken in a way that is true and alive and passionate and relevant. This week is about having fellowship and community with my Rwandan brothers and sisters as we all walk this life of faith.
I studied missions in college. I have a bachelors degree in intercultural studies. I know the definitions and signs of culture shock, language barrier, emotional and spiritual exhaustion, spiritual warfare, etc. But for some reason, it is all failing me this week. This trip.
My Love has cruised through these first few days with no issue (at least nothing that I can visibly see). But me, I have collapsed into a heap of tears and frustration and sickness.
My stomach is unsettled. I haven't had a good night's sleep. I feel completely out of place. I can't communicate... I can't even seem to manage to learn basic words or phrases like "thank you" and "good morning." The sounds just won't stick in my brain. Maybe because it's too different from Spanish and therefore just doesn't make sense. Maybe there is some other barrier in my mind that I haven't figured out yet. And I am so completely drained emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Culture shock is not a clean cut thing for anyone. And normally I don't hit it this hard, at least not on a short-term trip.
When I was in Peru, I had many days throughout my 6 months where I was homesick, worn down and just ready to give up trying to learn Spanish or give up trying to make sense of the life I was living there. But at the same time, I had many good days in those 6 months. I learned a lot of lessons about missions, faith, family, and staying in the middle of GOD's will. Not to mention, I formed some amazing friendships.
But for whatever reason, this trip is different. For whatever reason, I am really struggling. I fell to pieces when I started feeling sick and couldn't take a shower because the water was scalding hot (imagine that! I actually would just love to have a cold shower!). I fell to pieces when I realized I just don't have the energy to be around people, especially people I can't communicate with (this is one of the most draining aspects of culture shock for me... the language barrier).
But even despite falling to pieces, I know that My Love and I are here for some reason. What that reason is... I have no idea. My Love and I know that GOD is going to use this week to teach me something. What that lesson is... I have no idea. My Love and I know that GOD is going to use this week to impact not just us, but more importantly, He will use this week to impact the church leaders. What that impact will be... I have no idea.
Now I know this week is not about us muzungus (white people) and our comfort or even our desires. I know that this week is not a vacation.
This week is about GOD and how He is showing up here in the Rwandan churches. This week is about the pastors being led deeper into the Scriptures. This week is about hearing the Word of GOD spoken in a way that is true and alive and passionate and relevant. This week is about having fellowship and community with my Rwandan brothers and sisters as we all walk this life of faith.
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