I feel a little...
Lost. I feel like I am lost and wandering with no real sense of direction, purpose or rhyme and reason. I feel like I am watching life racing ahead with so many that I love and I am standing still. Watching. Waiting. Wondering. I can't even really explain why I feel that way. I just do. Part of it, I know, is related to the fact that it's the end of another year and like everyone I am spending a lot of time reflecting on the past year and looking towards the next. Part of it is also that things are just kinda crazy in life right now and have me wondering a lot about how GOD's plans and timings can be and are so very different than my own.
A year ago, I was just returning from Peru. Returning from living a life for 6 months that I had only dreamed about for 6+ years. Returning from a life that I didn't appreciate nearly as much as I should have at the time and miss terribly now. I was facing the heartaches of re-entry to my home culture. The heartaches of missing the friends I had made. The heartaches of not hearing Spanish ringing in my ears and actually missing it. I honestly can't remember a lot of the emotions I felt or the thoughts I had because I was so overwhelmed and distracted by the hustle and bustle of family Christmas, marriage proposals, best friend's wedding and re-orientation to Hy-Vee customer service. I just remember the same sense of feeling lost.
This year has brought so much change to my life and with it that same sense of feeling lost. Marriage, college graduation, full-time ministry, moving away from family and friends and new jobs. It has brought so many things to light that I thought I was ready for. So many things I was foolishly looking forward to. And now, at the end of the year, I think maybe I could have used a few more classes in ministry and Bible or another semester of living life with my best friends in the dorm or a few more months of my family being all together in one place. It makes me wonder about whether I was really ready to enter the real world and grow up when I stepped off that plane from Peru or walked across the stage at the LCU chapel.
But then I think about the adventures I have gotten to go on with My Love and the places we have been already this year, both before and after our wedding. Rochester, Boise, St. Louis, Cleveland (Tennessee not Ohio), Marion, Indianapolis and Fort Wayne. I think about the conversations we have had as we dream about life and our future. I think about the chances we have had to talk about faith, ministry and missions with people of all ages from various places across the country. And I think about how GOD seems to have worked things out for us this far and that gives me hope as we look towards a new year.
It's the end of another year and I am feeling lost. I can't really describe it. But it's there in my heart. Like a shadow or a fog that won't go away just yet. This year has been such a crazy year. Life has changed so much. And as a new year approaches (yes, I know we still have 10 days...) I feel a little lost. Not sure whether to hold onto this year and look back on all that has happened and changed or to look forward to the year to come and dream without fear of what will come. Lost. Simply lost.
A year ago, I was just returning from Peru. Returning from living a life for 6 months that I had only dreamed about for 6+ years. Returning from a life that I didn't appreciate nearly as much as I should have at the time and miss terribly now. I was facing the heartaches of re-entry to my home culture. The heartaches of missing the friends I had made. The heartaches of not hearing Spanish ringing in my ears and actually missing it. I honestly can't remember a lot of the emotions I felt or the thoughts I had because I was so overwhelmed and distracted by the hustle and bustle of family Christmas, marriage proposals, best friend's wedding and re-orientation to Hy-Vee customer service. I just remember the same sense of feeling lost.
This year has brought so much change to my life and with it that same sense of feeling lost. Marriage, college graduation, full-time ministry, moving away from family and friends and new jobs. It has brought so many things to light that I thought I was ready for. So many things I was foolishly looking forward to. And now, at the end of the year, I think maybe I could have used a few more classes in ministry and Bible or another semester of living life with my best friends in the dorm or a few more months of my family being all together in one place. It makes me wonder about whether I was really ready to enter the real world and grow up when I stepped off that plane from Peru or walked across the stage at the LCU chapel.
But then I think about the adventures I have gotten to go on with My Love and the places we have been already this year, both before and after our wedding. Rochester, Boise, St. Louis, Cleveland (Tennessee not Ohio), Marion, Indianapolis and Fort Wayne. I think about the conversations we have had as we dream about life and our future. I think about the chances we have had to talk about faith, ministry and missions with people of all ages from various places across the country. And I think about how GOD seems to have worked things out for us this far and that gives me hope as we look towards a new year.
It's the end of another year and I am feeling lost. I can't really describe it. But it's there in my heart. Like a shadow or a fog that won't go away just yet. This year has been such a crazy year. Life has changed so much. And as a new year approaches (yes, I know we still have 10 days...) I feel a little lost. Not sure whether to hold onto this year and look back on all that has happened and changed or to look forward to the year to come and dream without fear of what will come. Lost. Simply lost.
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