November 3, 2011... a year ago today...

A year ago today, a rambunctious, lively, loving 5 year old boy went home to Jesus. He died due to injuries he sustained when a brick wall collapsed on him while he was playing. He lived in barrio 5B/6B with his parents, grandparents and older brother. And he was always the first one to greet the gringos whenever we pulled up and the best at always getting extra food at lunch by simply flashing that smile. A year ago today, sweet Brayan found his way into the open arms of the Jesus he loved to sing about. 

My heart aches. I have tears in my eyes. I keep looking at his picture wondering how it could possibly have been a year already. And the crazy thing is that I was just the white, American intern who hung out with him when the teams were in the barrio. I wasn't a regular person in his life. I wasn't someone who really watched him grow up. I wasn't his mom. But oh my heart aches. I miss that boy. I hate knowing that he isn't there to run up and greet the gringos when they arrive. I hate knowing that he isn't playing with his brother or helping his mom. I hate knowing that he isn't going to school or singing songs in church. But yet I love knowing that he is hanging out with Jesus. I love knowing that he is whole and perfect. But oh my heart aches. I miss that boy. 

The only thing that helps ease the ache is knowing that one day it won't ache anymore. Knowing that one day I won't cry over the loss of a precious 5 year old. Knowing that one day I won't have a reason to cry over death or pain or loss. Knowing that one day things will be good and perfect and whole the way they were supposed to be. That's the only thing that makes the ache go away. But today, on this one year anniversary, the ache is strong and I can't help but let the tears fall. 

I miss Brayan. A precious 5 year old boy whose laughter and smile could light up a room and set any group of gringos at ease. A precious 5 year old boy who went to see Jesus, but left his family and friends a little too soon. 

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them and and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." 

Revelation 21:1-4